Obsessive

He called me a slut; he called me a whore.
He will keep calling me these things because im looking for more.
Waiting for him to feel the same feels like i can't ever win.
I wish he could see the obvious, he seems the smartest i know,
i wish he would learn to see the things that i think are real.
He needs to learn to take a chance he needs to learn to relax.
He seems like a total suck up, needs to learn to take a joke,
like another boy i used to like but he was totally wrong.
He seems to perfect and were meant to be, until he sees the real me.
I hate to show the side i keep locked away from the others.
He saw it once and regrets are useless so i might aswell say it was horrible..

I'll be here

i'll be here when all hell breaks loose and i'll be here when its heaven.
you wont notice me but i will be here.
you don't notice how much i care even when someone points it out.
i will help you when your world turns to shit, ill prepare you for the worst.
i just hope i do a good job of sucking it up.
you can call me names and most of the time i wont respond.
you can say im not your friend,
and you can call me your best, you can take it back and regret it,
you can say you care about what i think, but i know you wont.
you dont have to try to avoid me, ill leave you alone.
i dont want any trouble and i wont start shit.
you leave me alone and ill leave you alone,
yes i will talk behind your back after were done fighting and i rarely get over it.
i dont like saying i hate anything, im just not in the mood for it.
i listen to all music, i just like some more then others.
i could fake anything for aslong as i wanted. i can lie. i dont think i have a conscience.
i love him and he wont know

not again

i saw him again and i coulden't help but want to cry.
i wanted to at least make sure i tried,
to help the situation i was in, i hoped to god it wasn't a sin.
i told him i loved him even after what i did,
and i almost screamed my lungs out by embarassment because it was such a lie.
after the mishap i attempted to make myself feel better.
i coulden't stand knowing i lied to him so i wanted to confess.
the true sin that lied beneath my true self.
i looked over my shoulder to ensure no one could capture a glimps, and bit my tounge.
i was thinking "how could this make a difference".
but it didnt, i saw him later that week and i was to embarassed to show him,
but i left it in the open for him to see.
because he was probably not knowing waht type of relationship we were in, he didnt look.
i only wish i could tell him. a few weeks later i grin in relief, thinking what kind of nusence it was to hide.
i want to do it again as i see the one i love,
trusts me enough to talk about who he doesnt love, but is desperate for.
i want to rip her soul as i cry the tears of anguish.
i decide to keep my feelings contained as i want to scream with a non-merciful groan

Please

When you left i thought not much of it
Not realizing how much you mean to meant
I could not believe ho wlittle something could be,
but make such a sad impact
Without you i could've gone insane
I cant believe i actually survived
You, gone to do yet another duty,
as you pressured upon yourself to do
You took away so much from me
When you walked out that door
You were gone,
and i thought i might've died if
you failed to return
You slowly enter the room
as my heart starts to sink
And you slowly speak the words
When you did say them,
I was choked off of my oxygen
I couldent breathe
Nor could i believe it
With the little air i had left
I managed to choke the words
"Please, dont leave me"

..you

I thought you meant so much
and it turns out you dont
from all the pain you've put me through,
your finally gone
no more false gestures
no more mis-interperatations
..you meant everything to me
you resemble nothing now
without that
you mean nothing

-please

You've gone away
as a sacrifice for eternal happiness
without you i can't breathe
without you i dont know what i'd do
well now your gone
and im the more miserable ever
I need you

Someone=You

I lef t you without regrets
but sadly came knockingon your door
I didnt realize how much i need you
i didnt realize how much i love you
I'm drenched in sorrows
Crying for forgiveness
I need someone i can love
I need someone that i can call home

You Burn

You make me burn inside
while everyones in amaze
from you, im left in shock

you hide it so well
you dont tell a soul
you cant, you wont

I know how you feel
when everyone hates you
i know how you feel
when people are disapointed in you

you hide your pain
you hide it with a smile
if you told anyone
the public would shun

you dont need to tell me
you dont need to show me
you dont need to love me

we share the same lives
always in secret

one thing, you are
what i am not
you are what i wish to be
you are what i fail to be
.....perfect

So

So much for love
you lead me to believe
we loved each other
sacrificing to talk to each other
but at my worst moment,
you go in and walk all over me

i didnt want you to see me
i knew you would leave me
and once you did, you ignored me
then, without any prevention
you left me, all alone,

with my heart shattered
as well as my feelings and my appearance
i cant take it
the internal burst of hate
and the exteral combustion into tears

you left me.you left me.for your.self-love.
you deserve to be alone.
you dont deserve me

yeah that sounds about right
you dont deserve a dead person.
you deserve...better

Left me

We loved each other
we swore foreve
we'd never be apart
well whats happened

you said you loved me
you said we were meant to be
you said we'd be together forever
whats that supposed to mean?

i said i loved you
i said i cared
i believed we were friends
i thought we were

you killed me
you stole my soul
you tore my heart out
with a smile on your face

screaming with agony
my face a' shatter
i thought i loved you
but that just faded
it all did

your with her
and nothing matters to me
i might aswell leave
i might aswell exit
i hope your happy



im dead

Fake love and Overdramatics

He said he cared
when it was all a lie
i wish he wasnt
but now i know its true

i thought i loved you
i swore my heart
you were faking it
and i hate you?

it doesnt affect you
it wouldent matter to me
the only thing is
i took you too seriously

i thought i loved you
i swore my heart
you were faking it
and i love you?

i cant believe you
i cant love you
i cant hate you

YOUR...hateable
no
your loveable
definiately not
your...irresistable

I thought he cared

I once thought it was true
that i loved you
well i guess it was right
i thought of you day and night


I thought you cared
i was wrong

spinning my moods as if its the weather
acting as if its fine
then the next its lying

he doesnt trust me
not one bit
but fuck him if
he has a fit


(thers more to say, but the moods wearing off)

[.petrified.]

tired
scared


In this control I
cannot stand it
prosecuted on site
dont make a sound
for you shall sacrifice
your self

controlled
demanded

This pressure I cannot take
This love is not as promised
this hate has come mandatory

friegtented
alone

Shame (a short one)

Crying Blood
From all the Shame
Straying Away
From all the Fame

You want the Love
Without the people
You want the Care
Want the care
Withoutthe Interaction

You want it,
You want a normal life
without the people
with their care

(Untitled)

Need me
Love me
Scream My Name
Cut me
Kill me
Its all part of the game

Life doesnt matter
especially when your me
i could care less about my life
as you can see

So stab my heart
and choke my soul
I wish i was never told

Kill Me Love Me Regret It All
Miss Me Hate Me Dont Look Back

City of the Dead

this is a little different, this isnt a poem, this is a little wierd, cuz this is a song, i actually made guitar background music to it, but its not good, heres lyrics:


Quiet....quiet

Deep down where no one sees
She is like no one else has been
Shes been shattered
Shes been torn
Shes wish she's never been born
Never mourned
Never Cried
Never Lied

Shes like no one else
Comp-letely u-a-nique
Apparently a geek
Gone throught the phases
the different lives,
the same old strives

She is like no one else has been
Shes been shattered
Shes been torn
Shes wish she's never been born
Never mourned
Never Cried
Never Lied

Your obsessive
You loving
No ones likes you because your unique
You try to change
But you dont realize
You cant change
You cant change
We cant change
You cant change
You cant change because your already in the city

Breathe

you hurt me
more than anyone
else can
you were my earth
you were my sun
you were my life
now were beyond that
you are no more than
a lonely stranger to me
you...

i hold my breathe
hoping,
wishing
dreaming
you wont come back
for that day awaits us,
and will come when its right

when hell breaks loose,
and everyones left in awe
not a breathe is taken
not a soul is spared
everyones gone

Death awaits us all..........

Mike...

people laugh at me when i mention my friend
people often make little jokes that i will live alone
no one ever explained to me what that means so
i just go along with smiles and laughter

i never really pay attention to what they say
i never listen to there supposedly cruel jokes
so i run away into a room with no one in it,
and invite my bestest friend mike in

people laugh at me when i talk about mike
but mommy says there just jealous when they laugh
mike listens to me and tells funny jokes

no one ever sees mike, and i told my mommy that
but then mommy said that they can only see him
if they believe and enjoy his company

only one person i know can tell me exactly what hes like
and thats my friend thats older than me,
he is 42 i think and he is really really nice

mommy calls him my 'sycoljest'
but i still dont know what that is, he told me that he is
my bestest friend for forever and ever and ever and that
i could tell him anything

a few years past but people still laugh when i bring up
mike. i dont know why, i tried to introduce him but no one listens
as i write this im in a insane asylum


isnt that sad!?!!?

Adopted Diary

they told me to call them mommy and daddy
yet i have brown hair and they have light blonde
adults say im 'special' that im different
yet they have blue eyes and mine a green

my mommy said she has a secret for me
for when i get older, i told her im
good at keeping them but she said
this kind i wont be able to not tell
anyone, i wonder what she means?

daddy doesnt say anything
but mommy'changes the subject'
i cant help but wonder whats the big surprise...

its been a few years since ive written in this thing
and i read over it more than once
maybe a couple hundred, then i wondered
if 'mommy' ever did tell me what the secret was

i dared my self to ask her, and i did
my mom asked me what she was talking about
then i showed her this book,

she fell crying, but restrained from hugging me,
i did not know what the matter was, so i went to hug her
after all the love, i thought it was the least i could do
but she tried to escape me

she actually saved me, she saved me from embarassment
because if i hugged her and she told me, i would have ran like hell

the secret was....im adopted

him....

he is mean oh yes he is he makes my insides thrust as my heart goes racing
trying to keep up to standard
she constantly is cool when she is a bitch
yet when she isnt he is so mean to me
it confuses me so much


he suddenly cares for her
like he never has before
now i shunn myself from his crowd
not that i know i wont fit in
but i dont want to not only want to not bother,
but i dontwant to try either....


he is so annoying oh yes he is
yet i never loved him more
now he loves her and she doesnt
even notice him


she crushes him inside
as he tries his hardest
he cannot help but be loved
he is so perfect
oh god.
why must the best onesbe the ones that are the hardest
to seduce or get?!

Invaders

the child was perfect
nothing was wrong
the life was almost like a fairytale
the parents loved it
the child was spoiled

until one day the father was happy
he didnt know why,
mother was confused, then father was intoxicated
he fed child cocaine and didnt notice

mother shouted to father to feed the child
apparently he mistakenly grabbed his drugs

mother was furious
no doubt was she pissed
but the smartest thing dad did do was take the bullets out

mother was having a breakdown
she grabbed the child
and buckled him in the car
she got in and just drove

she was driving to her mothers and
told her what happend
her mother immeadiatly fell down
her mother came to her aid

the grandmother was having a heartattack
her mother recalled that the grandmother,
her mother and all the way up the family
tree were in this situation before

this is when the childs life came crashing down
father in jail.....
grandmother dead
mommy hating daddy
never seeing them happy again

all while the child is high





now you may be thinking this is impossible
but oh ye' of little faith
this has happened on more than one account

?¿?confused?¿?

Oh im confused
oh so very very confused
he is a person i use to know so very very well,
and i know have him as a "unused contact"
we met in disguise none of us knew
we danced together without having a clue
now i was dragged to partake in an event
with none other than my parents,
and while i was sitting in the car in misery
i saw him walk by. i did not want to speak
but yet i did so bad. i didnt talk because i knew
he would be freaked out
i wanted to so bad, just to get attention
so i watch him walk on the sidewalk
with him having nothing,not even a clue
i watch him as i bite my lip with eager
i race home as fast as possible then i turn on msn
there he is......already on,
i know for a fact it isnt him,
then his msn went offline
then signed on again
i dare my self to
to talk to him, i send a message
lolz was that yu at that mall running to subway?
and the reply i get is :

Auto-Message: I'm using a web based version of MSN - http://www.e-messenger.net

guess i'll never know

DIE!

this is confusing



I want to die
im going to die
if its the last thing i do

i will cut the palms of my hands
i will enjoy every second
i will soon die..from the lack of blood
i cannot wait until i do

its my mission in life
to make sure it ends
and if i succed before the deadline
then i will give myself a firm open
handed slap on the back


i cannot wait
i cannot wait
kill me now before i die

The Rose

The rose isn’t perfect
Most like anything else
From its silky smooth petals to its ragged thorns
It’s so exceedingly gorgeous
Its petals are like love itself
Your eyes are immovable after the first glimpse
Its beauty is extraordinaryI
t sits in the vase as its innocence is almost pitiful
It lies there as you admire it from afarIt speaks the language of love
From the simple ‘I love you’
To the sophisticated and complex
The rose is common yet feels so unique
Its lightly coloured petals are as Pale pink as babies rosy checks
The fragrance is intoxicating
As the scent takes you away
It pulls you under as you are now transported to
A world that has completely different ways
This is now enclosing you with heavens of many angels
You feel like you are a feather on a weightless cloud
You slowly step from the sensual flower

Stuck with me

He is my everything
he hates me too
i cant believe he fell in love with you
he wants me to stop
i cant help it, if he wants
me to stop loving him then
he must break my heart
but once he does ill want him dead
then once again the favours returned
no matter what, i will always have feelings for him
because i love him so,i either
love him or i hate him,
its fate that will answer

I've done it again

no no, not again this little fellow
is going to break my heart
i heard myself times a many of how
i hated boys and that they are evil.
what have i gotten myself into now?
i can help it that he is so perfect
nomatter i will show my feelings not
and i might be able to escape from my frightful outcome of this event
maybe i would become an outcast,or
be shunned, or maybe even left alone
no, no these circumstances are too malicious
none of these things could happenisnt it fun listening to be lieing?

Im nothing.....

I see him sitting there

as if he doesnt see me

i try to make myself visible

but it doesnt seem to work

he just ignores me as if im not there

i try to make others notice me

but the same things go wrong there

no one notices me,except the ones

that dont matter to me

i try to fit in yet no one is willing

no one will let me join, because no one sees me,

no one notices me

then i remember,

about my incident

its way past and ive gotten older

i forgave him,but i live with the

consequences everyday.

now no one sees me and no one knows i exist

now im nothing but a soul

He Cares.....

She made me hang upnot once but twice
she annoys me oh so much
no one cares as much as he does
he listens as i pour my heart
he pays attention as i speak in awe
he helps me express my heart
as if he is my best friend
he is so perfect
listening to him is so unbelievably rare
he makes his words count and speaks at the right times
he knows how i think he knows how to react
he is unbelievably perfect
i miss him when we are apart
he is my...soulmate

Red Shines Through

Note: This is pretty harsh in my eyes but sometimes i see my self in the daughters perspective, then i read over how sorry she was, and i feel MUCH better

(daughters point of view)
The red shines through
why did i make that decision?
i know for a fact im in trouble now
the red is seeping through the cloth
and is all over the carpet
theres no way i will get help for this
i thought my life would be better done
but i never knew it'd be this hard
i cant help my self now,im writing a note
and all my money
i cannot strive to live any............


(mothers point of veiw when she gets home)
oh no, no she didnt do this its all my
imagination, why would she how
now as i look over the floor theres blood everywhere
normally i would be mad but my daughters gone
she tried to be perfect yet she could not
now i read the note and i see the cash its says
"im sorry mom i cant become your model daughteri cannot keep up with all this torture. i think nowi will be in a better place, this money will be leftfor the cleaning of the rugs"



(narrator)now the mothers sobbing for forgiveness she cannot
beleive what has taken place, if only she had been less
of a jerk to her daughter she would still be around

Feeling Numb

As i sit here watching the clock go by it feels
as if im in a world where my lifes on pause
And everyone's lives continue
it hurts being me
aswell as it does being you
the deep strength beneath our souls will both pull us through
we do not know each other
nor have we met
yet we are inseperable
and know so much about each others lives
because its become a part of our own
almost as if long-lost-twins
we are meant to be re-united
obstacles seperate us until the time is right